Can I just say once and for all that I’m around 107.3% positive that I owe more than I could ever repay to Frank Longbottom?
David Riggs // Loralye
From a late morning skype session with coffee and my favorite song by a very old friend. The day that I see his face on an album cover will be the day I’m happy with the music world.
In a deep, not entirely uncommon hour long thought session over my orange tea this morning, I sat talking myself through a bad mood. And I wondered, for the millionth time, what actually makes me tick in life. What am I living for? Why am I here? Why am I worth it? What is it that makes me Dani? What is special about me? And that was the moment that I realized that nothing has to be special. I only have to be right and happy. I promised myself once that if I could just get through my teenage years, I’d be alright. Well, I’ve passed my teenage years. Am I alright? Not quite yet. But is it worth it? Yes, and here’s why. I went through my upwards of 50,000 photographs throughout the day and narrowed it down to ten. Ten photos that are me and the things that give me life, no matter how simple or stupid they may seem to anyone else. I encourage everyone to do this at some point in your life whether it is now or twenty years from now, because in looking back from where I’ve come and paying attention to every small memory that I could muster, I’ve learned more about myself than I ever could have. And for once in my life, it clicked for me that I am real, and here, and loved, and there is a reason for that. Beyond that, I am more than I ever imagined.
10. I am a wife. I belong to Dan and he belongs to me. He is real. He is with me, before me, behind me, above me, below me, beside me, and I am his. I am living for my husband.
9. I am the sea. I am water, I am the bright aquas and turquoises of the Caribbean, I am the deep blue of the Atlantic and the deep navy of the Pacific. I am a swimmer. I know how to breathe the ocean. I belong to the water. I am living for the sea.
8. I am vintage. I am the scent of an old book, the softness in the feeling of my grandmother’s scarves that simply aren’t made like they used to be. I am the wood carvings that come from my grandfather’s hands, I am a hundred year old house in which I grew up in with parents who are wise beyond their years. I am a whisper, a hint of a different time, and my soul belongs to the old. I am living for the legends.
7. I am a best friend. I am living to hold on to and hold up a twenty-seven year old woman with MS who is my inspiration. She’s someone who has never given up and will never give up. She radiates life through her struggles. I am there to hold her hand if she needs me to hold her hand. I am a shoulder to cry on. I am an escape. I am a support. I am living for Deena.
6. I am a mother. I am a part of a four year old blonde beauty who needs me. I am to teach her. I am to love her. I am to nurture her. I am to be her crutch. I am to be her discipline. I am to be her teacher. I am to be her friend. I am to be her warmth in nightmares. I am to be her grace. She was given to me. I am living for Lily.
5. I am a lover of books. I am Peter Pan. I am Cinderella. I am Harry Potter and I am Lucy Pevensie. I am a hero. I am a villain. I am magic. I am a difference. I am a word, a sentence, a rhyme. I was born to tell stories. I was born to write them. I was born to read them. I was born to live them and I was born to love them. I am living for the stories.
4. I am a lover of nature. I am the tulips that bring the sun to a warm, rainy summer day. I am a rose. I am an orchid. I am a wildflower. I am a tree. I am the woods. I am the grass. I am living for the beauty and simplicity of a flower.
3. Make that a mother twice. I am living for Claire.
2. I am a lover of the sky. I am a cloud. I am a lightning bolt. I am a star, I am the sun and I am the moon. I am a snow flake. I am the atmosphere. I am the product of my father’s love of planes. I know how to appreciate a sunrise and fall in love with a sunset. I am living for darkness and the light that follows.
1. I am a lover of music. I cry in the lyrics of a soul who can speak the words we can’t say. I can feel the tunes in a painting. Music runs, beats, courses through my veins in power. I know how to let it move me, mold me and sometimes, hurt me. I am living for song.
My point in all of this, no matter how silly it might seem is that it’s there. You are someone. You are supposed to be here. You have a purpose, if even a small one. There is nothing wrong with simplicity. You don’t have to be the most successful or the most beautiful or the most anything. All you need to find is happiness. There is beauty in this world. My list won’t apply to you in every way, and you may not have found what you’re looking for but it is there. It’s real. So find it and never give up.
1. your real name: No, you can have Dani THAT GRAPHIC WAS A LOT FOR ME OKAY?
2. your detective name (favorite color and favorite animal): Baby Blue Lion
3. your soap opera name (middle name and street you live on): Danielle Stone Mountain
4. your star wars name (first three letters of last name, first two of middle name, first two of first, last three of last): Brodataman
5. superhero name (color of your shirt, first item to your immediate left): White Tree
6. goth name (black and one of your pets): Black Phoenix